This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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