So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
