every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
