that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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