he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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