and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
two words: eviction party
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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