my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
