i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Your dad touched me again.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
