Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
