this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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