This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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