dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
