8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
