The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
