she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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