I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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