I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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