I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
