there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
