I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
