Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
