There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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