if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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