Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
