I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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