Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
