You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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