in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
