You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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