this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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