WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
