She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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