I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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