Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
