At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
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