3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
