hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
