The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We got so high we made milksteak
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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