I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
