: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
