i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
