what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
