So drunk its hurt
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
