i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
And then he peed in my hair
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