yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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