Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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