I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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