he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
