just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
