You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
